You Are 25 And Lost

Twenty-five is like a turning point to many people around the world. When you begin to realize “oh, I’m not so young anymore and I’m still stuck.” There are articles reflecting to 25-year-old men and women saying how you could be still at a phase where in your friends are all successful and is walking on just one path with one goal in mind, it might change but not an intense change. They’re standing on a firm ground of no return with no regrets and there you are unstable and scared of the desicions you make or maybe you’re in front of so many paths and you don’t know what to take in and then when you tried walking on a certain path and you would seem so lost and your goal seem so far away.

IT’S OKAY.

Twenty-five is such a young age to a lot of people as well, they’d say “You’re not even 30” and some would say “Life begins at 40.” Enjoy your youth while it last don’t put pressure on yourself. Yet, some of us 25-not-so-young-people begin to feel pressure when we see younger than us reaching for the top while we sit on a couch thinking of what could be and where we should be. We may have different walks in life coming from different culture and different families but don’t put too much pressure on yourself, just enough for you to still keep on going looking for the thing that could make you keep on living as well.

Remember a lot of world known humans didn’t know their ‘one thing’ until at a later time of their life.

When you reach 25 you’re like, “I graduated 3 years ago and I haven’t done anything related to what I am supposed to be.” But, dear it’s okay you need to sort things out little by little. You’re not like everybody else, consider your little steps your great success in life. For some it could be so small that they don’t recognize it but you, you should be the one to recognize your small steps while the most important person is watching you and cheering you. And who could that be? It’s our Almighty Heavenly Father, our God. We will never know what kind of life we’ll be living here on earth but He does and no matter what steps you consider to follow remember that you should take a mental note that it should please and be glorifying to our Heavenly Father.

Eveyday Blog Post

Hi, so here I am today. I just watched something on facebook where he tries for two years to perfect a landing on a skateboard from a 10ish steps of stairs. He practiced and did it for about 2000 (he guessed) times just to get one perfect landing. And my blog posts are kind of like that; I shoot for it once everyday, not really knowing when I’ll hit my first sensible blog post. Will my dreams and aspirations become real in front of me? Well, I know that if I don’t give up something big will happen. As I mentioned the first time that I’m not really sure if it’ll be crap or if soon I’ll make sense to people but, I’ll keep on trying.

I was always scared of what impact would I bring if I post something or if people would even care about it. I was always afraid to try things out because people might not like it. But then I constantly remind myself that I write everyday to hone my skills and discipline myself into writing everyday. I write to pour my heart out first and then know everything I should know in writing.

You’re reading this and we might be in the same position and I hope I kind of boost you up one way or another.

You’re here and you might think that I lack mostly everything and you might think I know nothing about what I’m doing or I’ll just fail in the end. Yet, as a fellow writer let’s just help each other out instead of pulling people down.

That’s it for today! See you tomorrow!

Escolta Block Party

Yesterday waaaaas lit! I’ve never been to so many parties but yesterday it was a whole new level of excitement.

Escolta St. was known as the center of business way back 16th century, when immigrants would make their fortune during Manila-Acapulco Galleon and it fell down when Makati became the center of business in the 1960s.

Escolta Block Party was a way to bring back the glory days of Calle de la Escolta as being the center of business. Local sellers and artists gather as a community to commemorate history and heritage. This is one way to let other people, foreigners and the young minds who haven’t seen Escolta St. at its full bloom to take a dip at the ocean of memories. Escolta Block Party aims to hold this event quarterly and they’re just starting, WE’RE JUST STARTING! Woooh! We just had the 3rd EBParty and I say it wasn’t just a party it was more to that and I’m glad to be in it this time.

To learn more about Escolta St. and its history google has way more things to explain 😉 now I’m here to promote our stall yesterday, HauteSis! Kindly follow her everywhere and show your support to local sellers!

That’s for today! See you tomorrow!

We made our way to White Hole Asia as well 😀

Freedom wall! 😀

(c) Escolta Block Party IG acct

Our stall right next to freedom wall so as they snap we got a free exposure on their pages 😀 and I was right at the middle giving back that pen after I drew, ALL SMILES!

Food is everywhere!!

My sister, Annie Bustillos and her business HauteSis follow us on facebook.com/HauteSis and on IG @haute_sis 😉 you’ll see different products and her hand-made tote bag and pouches ❤

Two Shots

Today I recieved bad news that for the 2nd term of Korean Language Class I won’t be able to attend because our 선생님 (teacher) can’t teach due to medical condition and that they were not able to find a substitute. I feel so down after a couple of work today I always feel like it was that one thing that keeps me going I’ll be able to get formal lessons. Still maybe it wasn’t the right time for it and that I have to focus on one thing first.

You might get exhausted reading this coz until now I still am not inspired. Heh. What to do now. I just thought maybe I’ll talk about dreams and aspirations next time 😉 I am not successful right now but I am proud with the baby steps that I’m doing towards success and that’s something to brag about.

I got two shots. That’s it for today! See you tomorrow!

Uninspired Thoughts

I made it a point to post an article everyday, for now I don’t have much idea what to put in my upcoming blogs or what would be my theme for a certain period of time but all I know is that after almost 5 hours of working in an article given to me this article of mine relaxes my brain so much. It feels great!

I am just typing not really focusing on who’s gonna read this thing or if it will impact somebody one day.

Things are moving right now, it wasn’t as passive as the past few months. I am seeing lights and paths to take but I constantly remind myself, “One at a time, one at a time.” I am thrilled to see that I have goals right now, short-term goals and even long-term goals! It feels like it’s the first time I truly understand the meaning of having and keeping goals. I’ve been the kind of person who doesn’t naturally keep a list of goals, I feel like I do things just as the days, weeks, months pass by. I do things until I’m gone for good but that’s not the way I was shaped into this world, it wasn’t the way I am supposed to live. Yes you may argue that there are people who’s exactly like that but let’s leave them alone in this article. This is about me anyway.

So yeah, for the record I don’t like posting stuff that I’m not inspired while working on it but I should work on things that keeps me away from my comfort zone.

That’s it for today! See you tomorrow 🙂

Uninspired Thoughts

Who are my audience anyway? Why do I have to write every day? Well for once it relaxes the mind, you only think of what to write or you write what you think. Either way it helps me calm down, release the things I wanted to say and put it into writing; into an art.

I am not sure to whom I should write. Who should be the one reading this article? Then I go back to square one and answer it myself; I should be the one reading this, that this is entirely for me.

I was inspired by someone from the internet who do things every day even though he doesn’t feel like it some days, because by doing so meant he is practicing and later on he became good at it. I ALWAYS wanted to be someone who writes and people will read my works. The missing link though, I wasn’t doing it every day, I do it once every other week, I do it when I feel like doing it. That if I do it and I am not as inspired as I should be, my work’s a crap. Yet, that’s the point of it all – to do it during uninspired times and just release everything on your mind. I’m here writing but I don’t know if I’m even making sense. The thing is writing or doing things during uninspired moments are the times wherein you’re  out of your zone and you discipline yourself to continue day by day what you wanted to be good at.

I worked as a freelancer and write articles for my Indian employer, no money yet BUT I told myself that if I do these things every day and I discipline myself writing every day I could be good at it in the long run. I am amazed by people who started small and can now do big things just because they do what they wanna be good at every single day.

That’s for today! This is my first inspiration for myself.

Will I get to see the light?

Life out there is scary. I’m 3 years graduate already and I’ve been to 4 jobs, all didn’t last for a regularization. I’m jobless most of the year than I’m in a job. I didn’t know what to pursue, I’ve blamed everything around me and for what I’ve become; jumping from one hobby to another, not lasting a year. Even when I had my previous relationships I’d jump from one guy to another. For 8 years I had more than 15 guys around me; just a hobby I would like to try but not continue for long. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t proud of it, I loathed myself so much for it yet amazingly I found my other half after all those years – and happily married to him. It was the time I stopped running around the bushes hiding from God and learned what He wants me to do. Just like that I would always tell myself that I’d find that work I’d hang on to and be in love with all the stress.

I didn’t mean to wait for 8 years, though some would go through waiting waaaaay more than that as well. We could be in the same shoes, different age but same problem. Where do we go from here? I was a BS Psychology graduate and I took that up for personal issues and intentions. I liked how it offered multiple jobs to different industries! I got choices! But none of which I truly loved. I tried but never lasted, self-studied but I just let it hang, imagined but never a reality. I always wondered what if I ended up taking a different course and even more what was I good at. I always ask myself my best qualities and my worst and would end up, “Where do I go from here?” Again. I was financially sustained that’s why the rush never came in me, I just knew my parents would be there for me whenever. But I was always at my lowest, seeing how most of my batchmates from elementary, highschool, and college happens to be where they wanted to be and I was even grade conscious despite my absences yet I came running last. I don’t even know who to talk to coz everyone seemed to unrecognize my agony.

I always talked to God, asked Him where He wants to lead me and where does He wants me to go. Preachings have strucked me multiple times and so I’d try again with what I thought He wants me to be. There were times when I knew this is it but I’d fall into trials and never make it back. There was one thing I knew I was really really good at, but I was always afraid to take that leap of faith and then asks myself, “Where do I go if not here?” I listened but never learned from Him still.

Today, after 5 months feeling nowhere to go again – for the nth time, I found another will to do what I could be great at. I can’t say that this is it, but after a long time of hiding again I found myself and my heart searching for His answers through learning what I always wanted to do. It’s scary out there with all the competitions going on. A lot younger people and experienced job seekers would compete me and I am just starting up. Still, I should never lose hope if I’ll be doing it for God and for myself, I’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It could be longer for you or shorter, but I just wanna say you’ll get there as well. Trust God. Always.

What I could’ve missed

I could’ve missed the sunrise when I wake up, the morning breeze that would pass through my window.

I could’ve missed the morning and goodbye kisses from my husband as he goes off to work; the breakfast we’d share, and the coffee that I love.

I could’ve missed the chats from my mom, my brothers, my dad, my friends, and my relatives. We’d talk for a while, laugh at silly jokes, and would ask when we’d see again.

I could’ve missed the books I’ll pass by and buy because I know it’ll be a good read, my favorite foods and drinks, and the coziness my bed has to offer.

I could’ve missed the Dr. Fishes in that hot spring and the happiness from the old man who was able to walk under water even he was diagnosed that he can’t walk anymore.

I could’ve missed the movies and tv episodes that I enjoyed watching now.

I could’ve missed the sunset and the time I’m counting ’til my husband comes home from a tiring day at work, the dinner we’d share and sometimes the midnight snack we love to binge on.

I could’ve missed the smile of the people around me and the cheer they’d do for me as I continue on my life. I could’ve missed the love I am getting from them.

I could be in a better place by now, I’ll be at peace. I could be in comfort with the Lord by now. Emptiness, darkness, unexplainable heaviness, it could be over by now.

I chose death, but God has a plan for me. Yes, the toughest journey will end but what about the loved ones that I could have left. They’d be devastated, they’d spend their first holidays, first birthdays, marriage, first born babies without me and they’d long that I should’ve been there. They’ll keep wondering why. They’ll keep asking if they could have done something for me, to keep me from taking my life away. And God knows what but they could end up depressed as well due to post traumatic stress. I know what you’ll say that they’ll just realize everything when it’s over when you’re dead. It’s difficult right? But you’re not alone.

God chose life for me, He always chooses life for me. He kept me alive, He made me see that I am loved not just for a day but for a lifetime.

Depression coming from anything isn’t something easy. I know, and you’re not alone. I’m still fighting for it but instead of choosing darkness I chose life now. I chose to live for myself, for God who continuously breathing life in me. We’re given this path for a reason and I know how painful to hear that and not knowing the reason why. But please continue to fight on. Continue the battle. Whether you’re suicidal or you’ve committed suicide as well and you’ve tried a lot to stop the madness in your mind, know that I am praying for you and for your future. You’re not alone.

I could’ve missed everything, but I’m still here experiencing things I never imagined. There are dark times and it’s really bad when it comes, but focus on the good times even it’s just a few good times. Focus on breathing. I love you and you will always be loved.

I meant, Thank You

Sorry became a word I used so often even though I meant to say was “Thank you”. I accustomed myself into saying sorry when I feel that I should’ve not talked to you because I might’ve drained your energy with my constant depressive talks. I say sorry even though it wasn’t my fault just so the other person wouldn’t go away. I say sorry even at myself. The cycle continued for so long that I can’t get it out of my system.

Then one day, I was reminded to say thank you even though I wanted so bad to apologize. It started with a simple, “Thank you for being here with me.” Then every single day I told myself to thank God even in the simplest reason. For waking up, for breathing, for walking, for the sun, for the weather, for the jeepney driver, for the things that make up my day. UNTIL I STOPPED SAYING SORRY WHEN I MEANT TO SAY THANK YOU. I felt lighter everyday and the constant voice that tells me, “It was your fault.” stopped as well. Thinking about the things a had to thank God for became my way of communication to Him and I started saying thank you to people I meet everyday. To the bus driver and conductor, the MMDA officer, the police officer, the jeepney driver, the vendor of my favorite kakanin, and to the people closest to my heart. I began changing my perspective, I saw how beautiful God made my life and how the circumstances I had for 10 years made me see the wonders God has to offer.

I saw how beautiful God made my life and how the circumstances I had for 10 years made me see the wonders God has to offer

We might have a different view onto how we see things around us. I don’t want you to change as well and be more thankful, what I wanted to impart is that a little appreciation can pass out great things to other people. You don’t need to say it as well to everyone you see; just think about it. You’re reading this, aren’t you thankful for the eyes that can read and a mind that can comprehend? Those are few things to thank God for and I’m beyond amazed! How much more of the big things that we have in the whole universe? God’s love towards us is pouring and overflowing. That’s happiness and that’s the kind of love we need.

God’s love towards us is pouring and overflowing

Did I waste your precious time reading this? I hope not. Sorry if I do, but nope I’m not sorry. I meant to say THANK YOU!

 

Fifty Philippine Peso

I’ve had so many stories regarding the 50 Philippine Peso. It’s a small amount of money for some, but for most it’s worth a lot.

It could be an addition to someone saving for their tuition fee, payment for scrap food on the table for family of ten, payment in the parking lot, a complete meal for students, an addition to the fare of a working father from Bulacan to Manila – who goes back and forth everyday for his family, or maybe a medicine to relieve a flu, food for their pets; and seriously, A LOT MORE.

My memory about 50 Philippine Peso or 50 Php is so much more. I’ve heard from my mom how my 2nd eldest brother was given a 50 Php from my father’s mother as a gift when he was a kid before entering school days and what he did to that amazes them; he threw it in a canal near my grandma’s place thinking it was a piggy bank. At that time 50 Php is worth a lot! The conversion back then was between 20ish to 25ish per dollar. My parents got angry at our grandma because as they say “Hindi pa marunong humawak ng pera ‘yan” (He doesn’t know how to handle money yet). We were taught to keep and save up money because it doesn’t grow on trees.

I remember another story, where in all I have is 50 Php going home. I paid the jeepney driver and said my location, I waited because I knew he doesn’t have a change for my payment and almost every passenger gave a bill. Three of us paid 50 Php and he only gave the change for the two passengers except me. We had an exchange of discussion on to how came he only had two 50 Php on hand and three of us paid. I was even the first one to pay, the discussion got heated up and I ended up saying that that’s all I have and I don’t really know what magical creature took his other 50 Php. I still got my money because he doesn’t have a change for it and decided to give it back to me. I learned to always have my coins ready.

Another memory of 50 Php was when our school celebrated it’s 50 years they printed out a 50 Php with our school logo on it. I wasn’t able to have it before but my boyfriend had it and he gave it to me. Now I have it in my wallet, always just in case of trouble.

At the end of the story there’s always it’s moral. So what am I really trying to say? Don’t waste money for anything? Nah, what I wanted to say is, every thing has it’s own story and memory of it. What you do to that memory or story is all on you, publish it, recreate it, seal it in a bottle; heck I don’t really care but at the end of the day it’s yours no one is allowed to take it from you or judge you by it. Life is colored with memories, stained with mistakes, covered with how people stare at you but all in all it’s an art painted with everyone around you and only God sees the beauty of it because let’s admit it even ourselves, we can’t see the beauty of our own life. Cherish it.